Monday, September 3, 2012

Acceptance not Conversaion

Last night a friend tweeted that he was debating polyamory, labeling it a "fun night". I responded jokingly that I'd just give silly responses but added I don't argue, just make my point known.
This morning, I went back to his profile and read the conversation. I saw one thing that made me wince. Someone said "Maybe you didn't find the right person."
That's an argument given the world over. You're gay? Maybe you haven't found the right man/woman. Bi? Maybe you didn't find the right man. It renders everything you've said to that point invalid. For me, it's like sticking out your tongue. To see that used in an argument for polyamory made my head hurt. I needed a hug.
Monogamy is a choice like polyamory and those who are mono deserve to have their choices respected the way we'd like ours. I've zero interest in 'turning you poly'. Hell with that, give me someone who WANTS poly as a choice not someone who had to be convinced. The world is full of people doing something they don't want to, I refuse to add to the pile.
Maybe my views don't line up with you. That's fine. Maybe we don't agree. Also fine. Not every human being in this world will think exactly like you. In my house alone I can give you four different opinions on any given topic and that is quite all right.
I'm not here to convert you or demonize monogamy. I have seen very successful relationships and absolute disasters involving varying numbers of people, mono and poly. If that makes YOU happy, you go with your bad self.
I do, however, have a problem when I am told that I am wrong. It is MY choice and not one I am forcing on another. You do you and I'll be me. I have mono friends who are awesome and support my family as their own. I will congratulate you on your wedding anniversary because I know how hard you have to work to make a relationship strong. I know because I have three relationships to work on.
In the end, monogamy is a choice and so is polyamory. I feel it is rude at the very least to force your choice on someone else. We should, as a community, be respectful of others. If nothing else then maybe they will extend the same courtesy.
We want acceptance, let's give acceptance.


  1. I enjoyed reading your response. I couldn't agree with you more, polyarmory is a choice just as mono. Am currently in a poly relationship and its something I truly enjoy.

    1. Thanks, I was so disappointed in the exchange on Twitter that I wanted to tell the mono person we are not all like that.
      Glad to hear it :)