Friday, September 28, 2012

November

National Novel Writing Month in November swallows me whole, a fifty thousand words in thirty day challenge. In October, I can be found plotting, scheming and doing character sketches. November is worse, I don't say much and spend lots of time typing or saying random things when not obsessing about my word count. Last year, I had my oldest throw a slow punch over my head so I could see exactly what muscles he used.
Once I joked that I was going to write the poly version of the Anarchist's Cookbook, the Polyamorist Cookbook. My oldest (and personal stunt man) thought it was inspired. I always found something else to write and this year, I figured everyone else is writing a book so why can't I?
It's not going to be a how-to book in the traditional sense. It's a collection of essays written about our triad and the different things we've gone through, stuff we learned the hard way. Except for my point being that I want my reader to realize this lifestyle is VERY individual and no one person holds all the answers. No one way to do this is the Right Way.
The subtitle is "An UNPrimer". I want to undo the whole "by the book" mentality. Just because it was in a book doesn't mean that it is gospel. There are fine, well-written books out there BUT it is essential to be able to critically evaluate if it's relevant to one's life. I mean, I adore the manga (Japanese graphic novel) Full Metal Alchemist but I am certainly not going to attempt any human transmutation.
This November will find me writing essays about living in a poly household and dealing with mundane things like laundry, finances and adopting a kitten. I'll write about our adventures, how we handle things like vacations and holidays. Family will be in there, topics like seeing our oldest son off to basic training and our daughter's open house. There will be essays on things like community building, communication and how we decide between Dr Who and football.
It may or may not see the light of day. It may be utter crap or brilliant. But either way, I will have it completed by December 1st.

Monday, September 3, 2012

Acceptance not Conversaion

Last night a friend tweeted that he was debating polyamory, labeling it a "fun night". I responded jokingly that I'd just give silly responses but added I don't argue, just make my point known.
This morning, I went back to his profile and read the conversation. I saw one thing that made me wince. Someone said "Maybe you didn't find the right person."
Ouch.
That's an argument given the world over. You're gay? Maybe you haven't found the right man/woman. Bi? Maybe you didn't find the right man. It renders everything you've said to that point invalid. For me, it's like sticking out your tongue. To see that used in an argument for polyamory made my head hurt. I needed a hug.
Monogamy is a choice like polyamory and those who are mono deserve to have their choices respected the way we'd like ours. I've zero interest in 'turning you poly'. Hell with that, give me someone who WANTS poly as a choice not someone who had to be convinced. The world is full of people doing something they don't want to, I refuse to add to the pile.
Maybe my views don't line up with you. That's fine. Maybe we don't agree. Also fine. Not every human being in this world will think exactly like you. In my house alone I can give you four different opinions on any given topic and that is quite all right.
I'm not here to convert you or demonize monogamy. I have seen very successful relationships and absolute disasters involving varying numbers of people, mono and poly. If that makes YOU happy, you go with your bad self.
I do, however, have a problem when I am told that I am wrong. It is MY choice and not one I am forcing on another. You do you and I'll be me. I have mono friends who are awesome and support my family as their own. I will congratulate you on your wedding anniversary because I know how hard you have to work to make a relationship strong. I know because I have three relationships to work on.
In the end, monogamy is a choice and so is polyamory. I feel it is rude at the very least to force your choice on someone else. We should, as a community, be respectful of others. If nothing else then maybe they will extend the same courtesy.
We want acceptance, let's give acceptance.