Saturday, June 22, 2013

Everything is Kung Fu

While surfing YouTube, I ran across a clip from Karate Kid (the Chan-Smith one) and had something Mr. Han (Chan) haunt me. Dre (Smith) gripes about his training, says that Han doesn't know kung-fu. Han demonstrates how what he has been doing, while mundane, is a part of training. "Everything is kung fu" he tells Dre. "It's in everything we do."
I nodded because that summed up how I feel about polyamory. It's less of this thing that you do from time to time but a part of you that is always there. I come home to the guys, coordinate calendars, plan trips and just talk. We ARE polyamory.
Even if I was alone, it would not make me less poly. It's not like a wallet that I can slip out of my pocket and place on a shelf until I need it. It's part of what makes me Me. Imagine removing a toe whenever you're not walking. Toes aren't detachable. Neither is aspects of your self.
I am poly. It's in every aspect of my life, in every interaction. Why not? Why not take the effective communication tools learned at home with you to, for example, work? There is little harm that can come from clear, honest communication in the workplace. I admit to sometimes being too blunt but I am, as all of us, a work in progress.
In the clip, Dre complains that he isn't learning anything. To him, he's only taking on and off a jacket. To his master, Dre is working on a pattern until it becomes instinct. The same can be said of polyamory.
Everything around us is a potential teacher. There is something to be learned about ourselves, others from just about anything. You never know what moment will bring clarity.
Bruce Lee wrote that a martial artist should "flow like water". I agree. I also think that poly people should "flow like water" and let their own personal experiences guide them on their path. Like Dre, instead of waiting for experts to give us answers, we should look to ourselves. Rather then yell at Mr. Han because he hasn't instantly turned us into a kung fu master we should pick up the jacket and do the damned work.
Everything is poly.


  1. "To him, he's only taking on and off a jacket. To his master, Daniel is working on a pattern until it becomes instinct. The same can be said of polyamory."

    This reminds me so much of Franklin's posts about how security and insecurity are learned skills, and his "Some Thoughts On Dating Black Belts" post (

    1. That was interesting, thanks for the link.
      My master threw something at me yesterday in class that stopped me in my tracks: "When we achieve a goal, we don't stop. We train harder." When applied to polyamory it states that because you have a solid relationship doesn't mean there is no more work to do. It means that you get to work together.