Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Inspiration and Community

I had posted a link to my last post on G+. A friend responded with "Sometimes, I think you discover something that's true in a poly relationship, and blog about it as being specifically related to such and maybe never realize how it relates to the broader spectrum of life as well." Her next comment was an apology for being being critical. I let her know on no uncertain terms that I was actually proud of her for making that jump. After all, what is the harm if you use tools on improving a romantic relationship to help smooth over a disagreement with a friend? Relationships are relationships and it doesn't matter how many or how few. Advice given for a happy monogamous relationship can be applied to a polyamorous relationship just multiplied.
I was at a meetup and someone asked about resources for someone just starting out. B did something that impressed me. Instead of listing books, he would grab random people in established poly relationships (I was one of them) and ask them for their advice to someone new. Here were live, real talking people willing to share their thoughts not static books that wouldn't be able to answer questions. Sometimes poly people will cling to the idea that there must be a book, an article, something beyond them that will help them create this wonderful, beautiful relationship with enlightened beings that will last forever. Not entirely true. 
Inspiration can come from any source and sometimes in places where you would have never looked in the first place. Case in point was when I was having some trouble at work and was unable to find a solution. A friend posted a video on Facebook that sent me to YouTube. I spent the better part of an hour surfing videos and eventually found the answer to what I was looking for. It was random but it helped. When I thanked him, he was a bit confused but glad he could help.
I wanted to write a piece on community, along the lines of why it's important but I kept getting stuck. I would pick at it, leave it alone and walk away. Still, it kept nagging.
Then something broke loose. We were in Montgomery, AL packing J's apartment and had decided to join the freethought group he founded at a meetup. They're a wonderful group of people, intelligent and well-spoken. I was reminded of the our community that we've built at home.
I happened to hear a bit of conversation. An older woman was telling a story about her son. He had asked about her plans for the night and she told him she was having coffee with friends. "With the atheists, right?" he said. Her response was yes, they were atheists and they were, after all friends. "He sees me as militant," she said and rolled her eyes. "I'm just open, I'm not quiet about it, you know?" Those around her nodded and conversation turned to another topic.
Inspiration in an unlikely place.
Community is just that, a place where you can go and catch random bits of enlightenment to help you on your way. I'm not an atheist yet I felt at home with them. It does something to me to be in a place where I know I can be me and enjoy the company of like-minded individuals. I take that sense of not being alone with me in a world where my views are as foreign as a cat learning to fly.
I have friends who know me as intimately, that have encouraged and inspired me to keep going. There have been times when I have given up on projects only to have friends both in and out of the poly community unknowingly be the random muse I needed at that moment.
In the end, answers to questions do come. We have to be willing to listen.

(With love and thanks to BR and Trill)

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